Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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