Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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