i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
