Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
