uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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