it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
