If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
