Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
there's paper in my vomit.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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