You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
