Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
