Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
