The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
