I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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