Yo dont text me then not text me
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Watching her eat just hurts me
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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