apparently the secret to your success is patron
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Are my feet made of real feet?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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