and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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