I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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