my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
is this the sara with the beer cane?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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