the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
