I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
