I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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