im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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