why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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