Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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