It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I just googled if crying burns calories
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
