If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
