mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
