he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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