Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize