Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
