please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Randomize
