R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
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