There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
