just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
