margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
