Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize