He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
