i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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