some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Randomize
