: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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