remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
