drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
we're so committed to being not committed
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize