I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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