Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize