Your face is a jimmy john
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Come on in and take your pants off
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