omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
