watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize