I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Randomize
