Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
