your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
