I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
