I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
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