Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
