6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
