he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
