I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
