woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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