So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
