and you said cock pushups were impossible
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
