beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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