How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
there's paper in my vomit.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
