Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize