yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
