Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
