Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
