Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
