sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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