im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
