i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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