I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
