So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
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