the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
