If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
