your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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