i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize