I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
