I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
