The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
