last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
