i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
