I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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