Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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