She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
