i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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