So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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