My first STD was from a foam party
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize