Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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