Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
