is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize