He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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