I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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