All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
