My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
