yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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