this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
