i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
This is my gift to your gina
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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