I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize